Sun 23rd Apr 2023
Time: 7:30pm
Event
So we have just found out that our beautiful 2 month old foals have a congenital grain intolerance (Sealiac disease) and will need a KETo diet for at least the next 18 months. To ensure our beautiful bucking baby beasts have the high-starch diet they require, we’re knocking down the ugly Trussel Trust building next door to make way for their kitchen and in-horse catering team, and it only costs £267K!
We want to give our studs, stallions and brooding mares the best chance of being Strong and Stable.
We have put together an autobiographical horseplay in the hopes of raising money at the expense of others, and have kindly been given access to the Conservative Party Conference hall for 2 nights only. We are appealing to people to donate even a couple K to assist in our endeavours. We cannot tolerate sick horses, meaning we simply have to have Mitcheling star chef Pierre Lahoof on-site to canter to their specific diabetary needs.
We’ve snogged the gifthorse in the mouth too much, and Daddy’s mistrust fund has already fulfilled it’s charitable quota. Without being taxed as if we reside in the Soviet Onion, we can’t put our sticky little hoofs in that pot again until we get back in the saddle of the next financial year.
Purchasing a ticket to our fundraiser lines our pocket directly, negating all tax entrapments. Our overheads included our now canceled Crossbreeding programme and the acres of wheatfields required for our nightly marathons.
Sponsored by Kellogg’s Special K, Queue Garden & Sarah Jessica Parker.
DISCLAIMER
All mockery is directed specifically towards fundraising done by privileged people with the means to pay for anything they should want/need.
Fundraisers are (and should be) essential ways to redistribute wealth.
A portion of the profits will be donated to genuine fundraisers for lifesaving gender affirming healthcare.
“The Glory is a queer venue run by queer people, for queer people and their allies. We operate a zero-tolerance policy towards homophobia, transphobia, racism, misogyny and discrimination of any kind. Be respectful or you will be asked to leave. Strictly no office, hen or stag parties allowed.”
