Good afternoon Glory revellers! Next Wednesday is the launch of MISTER GLORY, our alternative male beauty pageant for East London with a top prize of £1000. Entrants must prepare for three categories – Eveningwear, Swimwear and “Party Piece” – and word on the Kingsland Road is YOU’RE TERRIFIED BY THIS and are scared to enter because the concept is confusing you!
Well let us put your mind at rest. Your confusion is a good sign, because this is a creative contest open to interpretation and this blog post is a mood board and spiritual guide to help you on your way to winning the judges’ hearts, the audience’s cheers and the £1000 prize!
WHAT ISN’T IT?
MISTER GLORY is NOT a generic muscle contest (although muscles are enjoyed by many and could be an asset). It is NOT a strip show (although some of us have been known to enjoy male nudity before and have been influenced by its powers) It is NOT a packed pub full of yobs leering at your nipples, knowing our pub there’s more likely to be someone in one corner with an easel (but the pub will be bustling yes and Christopher Kane will probably be at the front somewhere wearing an intense fashion gaze)
Oh and that reminds us! Every entrant into MISTER GLORY will receive their own official private photo shoot downstairs on the competition night by scene photographer Peter Fingleton.
WHAT IS “EVENINGWEAR”?
We’re in the heart of East London here so MISTER GLORY’s eveningwear draws on a diverse wardrobe. This round is formal and smart yes, but it is not a penguin lookalike contest. Of course it could be channeling James Bond, but so could it be channeling a bond villain, or go even more male and go for some Grace Jones get-up. It could be white, it could be gold, it could be a summer suit, or even a kilt. Just try and be magnetic. There’ll be a catwalk in the pub. Hold your shoulders high as if the coat hanger’s still in your jacket and remember you’re the boss, they’re the audience.
Here’s a little mood board we made just now, but it’s by no means restricting:
Be careful Googling sock braces though. An hour of your time will just disappear!
WHAT IS “SWIMWEAR”?
MISTER GLORY’s swimwear category is very fluid, in fact, John Sizzle has widened the goal posts so that it can also be sportswear in general. It could be a wet suit, it could involve a David Beckham-style beach sarong, it could be a costume that uses inflatables. In the words of John Sizzle “Just come up with something basically. We all love a man in shorts but it’s not about that, go down to Sports Direct and buy a croquet mallet if you want”
Have a look at this video of an alternative men’s swimwear collection in the British Pathe archive from 1951:
We can totally see some of our Glory boys rocking one of these as an outer layer…
Rod Stewart was a dodgy patron of alternative gender-fucking swimwear…
Maybe mix it up with a blazer, sarong and vegetable oiled shin…
A body hair bikini always works…
WHAT IS “PARTY PIECE” ?
MISTER GLORY’s party piece could be absolutely anything. It’s MISTER GLORY’s after-dinner surprise basically. It could even be a joke, a poem or a piece of really salacious East London gossip (that will not be uploaded anywhere on the internet). It could be a spot of juggling, hula-hooping (by which we mean competetive crisp eating – we sell Hula Hoops at The Glory dontchyaknow), body painting, Britney Dance routines, ANYTHING! (No frotting or felching though, unless John Sizzle’s consents)
HOW DO I ENTER?
To enter MISTER GLORY simply email the pub on email@example.com !
The official Mister Glory Facebook Page has just launched too.
MISTER GLORY is one of our biggest programmed events here at The Glory and we intend the contest to enjoy many happy years. In entering you are entering a part of queer history and might even end up in the index of John Sizzle’s memoirs Gone With The Wine.
MISTER GLORY launches on Wednesday 3rd June at The Glory pub, 281 Kingsland Road, London, E2 8AS. Doors open at 5pm, show starts at 8pm. Free entry.
Words: Jack Cullen